


Waiting For This Moment

by ChameleonCircuit



Series: Moving On [2]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Barisi - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Love, M/M, Moving On, Pining, Wedding, bangan, post-barisi, pre-carmisi, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 20:32:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13795791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChameleonCircuit/pseuds/ChameleonCircuit
Summary: “What if it should be you I’m marrying, and not Trevor? I loved you. I think I still do. A part of me always will. It’s impossible to let go of someone like you. What if it was always meant to be you?”Rafael’s voice wavered, his eyes glassy with tears he would never let fall. Sonny felt his chest tighten, his heart beating painfully against his ribcage.





	Waiting For This Moment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rynewind](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rynewind/gifts), [tobeconspicuous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeconspicuous/gifts).



> For rynewind and tobeconspicuous
> 
> And a huge thanks to tobeconspicuous for acting as beta, and for helping me not only with the vows, but in making this a million times better than it was when I first wrote it. All the good content is thanks to her.

Sonny stared at his reflection in the mirror, running a hand over his hair, then his tie, then both hands down his pants, before repeating the process. He felt nauseous. In a few hours, he would watch the man he loved walk down the aisle with someone that wasn’t him, and there was no world that didn’t hurt in.

 

His phone chimed, alerting him that his ride was downstairs. With a shaky sigh, and one more smoothing down of his tie, he grabbed his wallet and keys and headed for the door, phone held in a vice grip in his hand.

 

The ride to the gardens felt far too short, and by the time he had arrived, he thought he might actually be sick. Even when Rita Calhoun greeted him with a friendly kiss on the cheek and a knowing look, and Liv pulled him in for a hug, whispering that she was there for him, everything felt entirely off-kilter. 

 

He wandered through the crowd of people, mostly unfamiliar faces, his stomach doing somersaults the entire time. As he neared the edge of the function room, he could see Rafael being ushered inside by Lucia. She glanced over, locking eyes with him, and the uncharacteristically soft smile he received was almost too much to handle.

 

“Here,” a familiar voice sounded behind him as a beer bottle was dangled in front of his face.

 

He took the bottle gratefully, taking a mouthful so large he almost choked, before he allowed his eyes to rest on his saviour -- Carmen Noble. She was practically glowing, in a long, red gown, with lace across the top of the dress. She was smiling at him, face lit up like the sun, her eyes crinkling at the edges, and he felt himself relax, just a little.

 

He managed a smiled in return, giving her a slight nod. “Thanks.”

 

“You looked like you could do with something stronger, but I know beer’s more your thing,” she said quietly, taking him by the arm.

 

“Yeah, well…” he trailed off, allowing himself to be lead around to the marquee.

 

The buzz of chatter made his head hurt, but he continued to allow Carmen to lead him, winding through the slowly-thickening crowd, until they reached the other side. There was a small bench sitting under a tree, just a small distance from the rest of the gathering; not too far away to be private, but not too close to really be involved in any way.

 

“How do you feel about being my date?” She asked, flashing him a devilish grin.

 

“What?” He spluttered, eyes widening as his heart hammered in his chest.

 

“Well...We’re both here alone, and we know each other. It would be nice to not be alone.” When he said nothing, she elaborated. “I know almost no one here, Sonny.”

 

“Yeah,” he said with a laugh, taking a small sip of beer as he shook his head, resting his elbows on his knees. “Yeah, me neither.”

 

“So…Dance with me. Sit with me. Drink with me. Laugh with me. Have fun.”

 

“Why’re you asking me?”

 

“Who wouldn’t ask you?”

 

They stared at each other for a moment, but he could see the corners of her eyes crinkling, and before he knew it, they were both laughing. He felt the tightness in his chest ease as he relaxed into their conversation, allowing her voice to wash over him, instilling a sense of calm.

 

“Sonny?”

 

He looked up, laughter dying on his tongue, to Lucia’s worried face. He felt his stomach drop as he stood, reaching out to her.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Rafael’s...He won’t speak to anyone else but you.”

 

Sonny glanced back at Carmen who gave him a tight lipped smile before mouthing, “Go.”

 

He shot her an apologetic smile, placing his drink down in his empty seat, before following Lucia around to the small hall that was being used for the wedding parties to get ready.

 

“Mrs Barba, what’s wrong?”

 

“Lucia,” she corrected, but didn’t elaborate.

 

“Lucia,” he said more forcefully, taking hold of her arm to stop her. “What’s wrong with Rafael?”

 

“I don’t know,” she snapped before sighing, coming to a pause just outside the door. “He’s locked himself in the bathroom and he won’t come out. You know Rafi, ever the drama queen.”

 

Sonny huffed out a laugh that sounded more like a sigh than anything else before he allowed Lucia to lead him inside and towards the bathrooms, where she knocked on the door.

 

“Sonny?” Raf called through the door, voice shaky.

 

“Yeah,” Sonny breathed out, clearing his throat. “Yeah, Raf. I’m here.”

 

As soon as the door opened, Sonny felt himself being grasped by the tie and pulled forward, through the door, before it was slammed shut behind him again. He leant back against the door, heart hammering in his chest, as he took in the sight of Rafael, half dressed in his tux, hair a mess, and eyes red-rimmed.

 

“Jesus, Raf,” he said quietly, lowering his head to catch the other man's eyes. “Who died?”

 

He was aiming for teasing, something to lighten the mood, but Rafael just groaned, hanging his head, his whole body slumping as he covered his face with his hands. Sonny felt his stomach flip, and he gave in to the urge to reach out, placing a hand on the other man’s shoulder.

 

“Hey. What’s going on?”

 

“What am I doing?” Rafael croaked, resting his forehead against Sonny’s chest as both his hands came up to grip Sonny’s arms. “What the hell am I doing?”

 

“Having a breakdown, by the looks of it,” Sonny said with a weak laugh, giving Rafael’s shoulder a squeeze.

 

“Fuck,” Rafael breathed out, his body sinking against Sonny’s just a little bit more.

 

“Hey. Deep breath, okay?” He tilted Rafael’s head upward, taking a step back so he could look him in the eyes. “Talk me through what’s going on.”

 

“What if it’s meant to be you?” Rafael said, voice small and shaky as he offered him a weak smile.

 

“What?”

 

“What if it should be you I’m marrying, and not Trevor? I loved you. I think I still do. A part of me always will. It’s impossible to let go of someone like you. What if it was always meant to be you?”

 

Rafael’s voice wavered, his eyes glassy with tears he would never let fall. Sonny felt his chest tighten, his heart beating painfully against his ribcage. He wanted to shout, to scream, to cry, to tell Rafael how unfair he was being. He wanted to ask him how he could do this, now, on today of all days, when he knew exactly how Sonny felt about him. He could have talked this over with anyone else, but he’d chosen Sonny. It was unfair. But he knew, even as he bit back tears, that saying all that wouldn’t help.

 

“You love Trevor,” Sonny started, and Rafael sniffed before nodding. “You’re a man who knows what he wants. You always have. If you were meant to be here to marry me, you would be. But that’s not what you want. And that fucking hurts, but I’ve got to deal with that, okay?”

 

Rafael nodded slowly, wiping at his eyes roughly as he took a deep breath in, eyes locked on Sonny’s.

 

“You chose Trevor.”

 

“I don’t know how to let go of you,” Rafael whispered.

 

“You don’t have to,” Sonny said quietly, eyes clouding over with tears as a lump formed in his throat. “I’ll always be here. You’re my best friend.” 

 

Rafael gave a small nod, reaching down to squeeze Sonny’s hand.

 

“If you don’t love Trevor, if you really don’t want to marry him, then we can leave here together, and I’ll take you home, and I’ll smooth everything over for you. I can do that for you. But I don’t think you want that.”

 

“No,” Rafael said, voice hoarse. “I’m so sorry, Sonny.”

 

“What for?” He asked with a laugh.

 

“For everything. But especially for this. This was unfair. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

 

“What are friends for?”

 

Rafael huffed out a laugh, taking a deep breath in and holding it for a moment, before releasing it. As he did so, his body straightened, and he suddenly looked like the Rafael the rest of the world knew -- ready to take on anything and everything. Sonny gave him a small smile before stepping away from him.

 

“Thank you,” Rafael said just as Sonny had reached the door.

 

Sonny was surprised to feel himself genuinely smile. He gave the other man a small nod before leaving the bathroom, brushing everyone’s panicked questions off as he made his way outside.

 

“You okay?” Carmen asked the moment he stepped out the doors, causing him to jump.

 

“Jesus,” he breathed out, shooting her a glare which turned soft once he saw the expression on her face. “Yeah. I’m all good. Rafael was just letting his nerves get the better of him.”

 

“Mmm,” she hummed knowingly, leaning back against the wall. “He loses his cool more than you’d think.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” he said quietly, shielding his eyes from the sun as he leant next to her.

 

He valued her tact as they stood there in silence. She’d been around for their chaotic whirlwind of a relationship. She’d witnessed it’s rise and its fall, and so many of the pieces in between. She knew exactly how hard this was for him; he could see it in her eyes, in her body language, in the way she was just there, inexplicably, to guide him through the day. She knew, and yet she said nothing, and he was grateful.

 

They took their seats together on Rafael’s side of the yard. Sonny couldn’t stop his knees from bouncing up and down in nervous anticipation. From where he was sitting he could see Trevor at the edge of the stairs, waiting to walk up, and a sense of dread filled him. He looked more handsome than ever before in his his grey tux, and Sonny almost hated him for it. He already knew, without seeing them together, just how well their tuxedo’s complimented each other, as well as the individual owners.

 

His heart skipped a beat as he watched Trevor walk up the stairs, and he turned his head to watch Rafael cross the stage, immaculate as ever, as though he hadn’t had a meltdown just minutes earlier. Sonny could still picture him half-dressed, his hair a mess, a stark contrast to the straight lines of his tux and his now perfectly gelled hair. As predicted, when the two men met in the middle of the stage, sharing private, almost shy smiles, they looked absolutely perfect together. The touch of black on Trevor’s collar and bowtie was the perfect link to Rafael’s traditional black tux.

 

Sonny took a deep breath, fighting against the emotion bubbling up inside him as Trevor reached out to take Rafael’s hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. The love they shared radiated off them in waves. He could see it so clearly just in the way they stood together, the way they looked at each other. It was like a neon sign, lit up for the world to see, and they couldn’t hide it if they tried. His heart sunk a little with the realisation that he and Rafael had never had that; they had never been the perfect couple. This, right here in front of him -- this was what love was meant to look like.

 

“We gather here today with a common purpose, to be fellow witnesses to the marriage of Trevor and Rafael, and to share with them one of the most important moments in their lives.” Sonny could hear his own heartbeat threatening to drown everything else out as the officiant began the service. “We are here not to mark the start of their relationship, but to recognize a special bond that already exists.

 

“Trevor and Rafael will now read out the vows they have prepared for each other. Trevor?”

 

“Rafael,” Trevor began, clearing his throat before continuing. “I am so honoured to be able to love you, to be loved by you. I can't imagine my life without you in it.

 

"Rafael, I promise to love and to cherish you, with all that I have. I promise to be a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with, someone to hold and to be held in turn. I promise to be honest and true and never hold you back. 

 

“I will support you, and be your voice of reason, because I know you’ll need one from time to time, even though you won’t admit it. " Sonny couldn't help but laugh at that.

 

"As the old saying goes; in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, through thick and thin, I am yours. Forever.”

 

From where Sonny was sitting, as he gripped the chair beneath him, even as his own vision blurred with unshed tears, he could see the wetness in Rafael’s eyes and the way he puffed his chest out, proud. He could see the tension in his body as he prepared himself to deliver his own vows. Sonny’s chest tightened inexplicably further -- it felt hard to breathe.

 

“Trevor,” Rafael started, voice as soft as the smile on his face. He was aware of Carmen shifting beside him, just slightly, her hand coming to rest on top of his. “I never imagined that such a gentle, kind, caring man like you could love a grumpy, bitter man like myself. I am beyond grateful that you gave me the time of day. You worked your way into my heart and under my skin before I was even aware of what was happening.”

 

Sonny breathed out as Carmen gave his hand a small squeeze, and the pressure on his lungs released just slightly, enough for him to feel dizzy with the next intake of breath. As Rafael spoke, a sense of calm washed over him, easing the tension in his body.

 

“I feel so lucky every day that I spend by your side, Trevor Langan. You’re the light in my often dark world, and I don’t want to think of my life without you in it. I promise to be better, to be good, to be the man you believe I am. I promise to be there for you, always, no matter what. I will be whatever you need me to be, whenever you need me to be it, always. I promise to love you. Always.”

 

“And now, the rings.”

 

As Sonny watched Trevor slip the simple gold band onto Rafael’s finger, he felt like he’d been cut loose. It still hurt, to know that Rafael would never be his, but there was a sense of freedom in it, too. This was a done deal, and nothing could change that. The ache in his chest was there, and real, and painful, but he knew it would ease with time.

 

“Trevor and Rafael, I now  declare you to be husband and husband. You may now kiss your partner.”

 

As Trevor and Rafael kissed, a round of applause and cheering broke out around them. He felt Liv’s hand on his shoulder from behind, and turned to return her watery smile.

 

Slowly, everyone rose from their chairs to approach the happy couple and offer their congratulations. He could feel his hands shaking as he approached.

 

“Mr Barba,” Carmen said politely before grinning and wrapping her arms around him, hugging him tight.

 

Sonny glanced at Trevor, grateful he was busy talking to someone else, and hovered by Carmen’s side. He could see Liv talking with Lucia a small distance away and contemplated using them as an excuse to leave, but Carmen had moved on to launch herself at Trevor, leaving Sonny and Rafael standing together.

 

“Congratulations,” he said quietly, surprised to find he meant it.

 

The surprise must have shown on his face, or else Rafael felt it too, because he snorted, glancing down at his feet for a moment before looking up at Sonny through his lashes. His eyes were soft and apologetic, but he looked so happy underneath it all, and somehow it was contagious.

 

“Thanks,” Rafael said quietly, offering him a small smile.

 

Sonny opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably before extending it for a handshake. Rafael rolled his eyes, and in one quick movement pulled Sonny in for a bone-crushing hug. He froze momentarily before winding his arms around Rafael and burying his face in his hair. He took a deep breath in, stomach flipping at the familiarity of it all.

 

“You deserve all the happiness in the world,” he murmured against Rafael’s ear before pulling away, face hot from the unexpected intimacy of the interaction.

 

“So do you,” Rafael said with a small nod towards Carmen.

 

“We’re not--”

 

“Ask her.”

 

“What?”

 

“Ask her. She’ll say yes.”

 

Sonny stared at Rafael, eyes wide as he ran every interaction he’d had with Carmen over in his mind. If it had been suggested to him the day before, he would have scoffed and pushed the thought away. But today had freed him in a way he never saw coming. Now, anything was possible.

 

Sonny gave Rafael a small nod and a smile just as Trevor interrupted to put his arm around Rafael’s shoulders. They stared at each other for a moment, and Sonny could feel the tension from every onlooker who knew them. He’d met Trevor, multiple times, but he’d avoided having to meet him in this capacity since Rafael had told them they were engaged. He hadn’t trusted himself to be polite. He hadn’t trusted his jealousy to not seep through his pores and spread like wildfire in front of everyone. 

 

He had spent so long hating Trevor, even though he barely knew him, and he hadn’t imagined a way in which he could not hate the man. But here, now, after he’d witnessed them together throughout the ceremony, and heard them say their vows; now, with his arm around Rafael, smile’s on both of their faces, Sonny knew he could never hate the man that made his best friend, the love of his life, happy.

 

“Congratulations,” Sonny said after a beat, offering Trevor his hand.

 

“Thanks, Sonny,” Trevor said, pulling Sonny in for a quick hug and a slap on the back.

 

As he left to give them space to chat to the other guests, Sonny felt someone fall into pace beside him. Without looking, he knew who it was.

 

“That was good of you,” Carmen said quietly as they made their way back to the marquee, which had now been set up with large dining tables.

 

“Mmm,” Sonny hummed in acknowledgement, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Let me buy you coffee tomorrow.”

 

“Tomorrow?” Carmen asked, voice laced with mirth.

 

“Or not. Whenever. Doesn’t have to be tomorrow,” he stammered, unwilling to look at her.

 

She linked arms with him, forcing his hand out of his pocket so she could lace their fingers together. “Tomorrow works for me.”

 

“Great. Awesome. Yeah, great,” he breathed out, relief and something akin to hope filling him up.

 

“If I’m some kind of rebound--”

 

“No. Never,” he quickly cut her off, stopping to look her dead in the eye. “Never.”

 

At the skeptical look in her eye, he tugged her closer to him, tilting his head to the side just a little.

 

“We’ll take it slow. See how it goes,” he said quietly, thumb running across the back of her hand.

 

She gave him a small nod and a shy smile before tugging him toward the marquee.

 

He couldn’t wipe the grin from his face is he tried. For the first time in an age Sonny felt excited, warm, and free. For the first time in a long time, Sonny felt hope.


End file.
